i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
