there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to have your abortion
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
