Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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