she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
