yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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