I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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