Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
