And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
