he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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