How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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