I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
