how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
