Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
