i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
