Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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