So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
