What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
