another moral hangover. fuck.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
