i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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