yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
