You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Terrible idea I love it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
