I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
