Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
