Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
