The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
