I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
