you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
