If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize