Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
