We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
