Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm passing your future prison.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
