i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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