I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
