the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
