That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
