Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
