Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
