So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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