Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
