He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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