i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
