Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize