He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
