Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
