oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
