I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
