Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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