I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
