chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
