I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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