he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
