the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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