now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You left your phone here
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