just tell him i said nine months
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sex in a hospital.. check
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
