In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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