Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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