you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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