a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
