why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize