Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
