24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
