i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
