# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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