from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm bleeding and have questions
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