my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just high enough for therapy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
