My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
