How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
