haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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