So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
