So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
