Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Enjoy the penises
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
