she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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