Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
